kt40

Love Thursday (shuttersisters)

Originally uploaded by kt40

This photo is for 'Love Thursday', a prompt put on by Shutter Sisters.

I find myself in a love/dislike relationship with graffiti. I love the messages that are left sometimes, I don't like it when they are negative. I relate to someone wanting to write something that means a great deal to them, so much so they want everyone and anyone to see it, I don't agree with marking someone's property though. Our neighbor across the street, a 10 year old boy, was outside with our kids when they were playing with sidewalk chalk he drew a male body part ( I think you can guess which part) on an outside wall of our house which shocked and at the same time made my kids giggle a little. I scolded him for drawing on the house and needless to say, he went home embarrassed. When I went to wash it off it ended up making a permanent outline because the wall of the house was dirty to begin with. Truth be told it doesn't tick me off, I think it is humorous in a way, a little karma if you will, for all the graffiti that I have stopped and admired and taken photos of.

Simple

This post isn't about much today. Just wanted to share this photo of soft oranges with navy blue. A plate with saltine crackers which always make me think of my dad. The light in the water, the twisty spoon handle which feels good to hold in my hand. The canned tropical fruit that Jason brought home, something I would have never picked out, then tasted and discovered that I had been missing out. The place-mat that has a wrinkle in it no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, purchased in Portugal made in India. The comfort of a simple lunch at home on a cold and icky day.

best friends

Jasmine and Andrea, Andrea and Jasmine. At the carnival in the busiest, nosiest place with no intention of going on the ride in front of them, they stopped and whispered to each other . When you are with your best-friend you usually do only hear their voice, background noises fade out and what is happening around you isn't as important as what they have to say is. When Jasmine told Andrea that we were moving, Andrea got off the phone and went and begged her sister for a necklace. Andrea already owned the same exact necklace. Her sister finally said "Okay! but it will cost you".  Andrea paid her sister for the necklace and the next morning at school gave it to Jasmine. Right there in class they made a pledge to each other that they would always have the necklaces clasped around their necks. Jasmine showed it to me when she came home she held it up with her fingers "See Mom, it is a heart inside a heart, isn't it beautiful!" "A heart within a heart.....yes that is beautiful."

This car

This car is parked near the beginning of the path where I walk our dog, Cubana. One day when I had the kids with me Iris stopped and said "I wish you could buy that car Mom and fix it up."
"Oh yes Mom, you could make it so nice!" added Jasmine.

I was thinking "Are they serious? Are they talking about this car and suggesting that I would be able to fix it up." Then Wyatt said "Jasmine and Iris...." and I thought okay, here comes the voice of reason. He continued "Of course Mom could fix that up but why would she, we already have two cars."
Some people say that children are a gift, I am one of those. I have three young human beings who I take care of, they are my children and most of the time I think that I'm the one who is raising them. How do they see what I could be capable of, more than I do? When I looked at the car I wanted to laugh out loud sarcastically and add a "Yeah right!" equally sarcastic but when I looked at their expressions they were all so dead serious which made me have a change of heart, yeah, I thought, I supposed it is theoretically possible that if I dedicated the next ten years of my life to that car, I could fix it up.

"Your brother is right, we already have two cars." I said outloud.

Grilled cheese sandwich?

  This is the lunch I made for the kids today, the second lunch that is. The first was tuna fish sandwiches then I tasted it ,thankfully, before I put it on the bread, the mayo was bad, umm...yum... So then I decided, grilled cheese and left it on the stove and went into the computer room and obviously got sidetracked. Jasmine yelled out "Mom what is with all the smoke?!" "Oh, $#@*!" I yelled out as I ran to the kitchen. "I guess we need to go to plan C, scrambled eggs." I said, trying to sound on top of things, as I stood there, still in my robe and pajamas. I didn't leave the kitchen this time, I diligently watch over them, cooked them to perfection, then called out "Lunch, come and get it!" and then went and collapsed on the couch.......... okay, maybe I didn't really go and collapse on the couch it just seemed like the right ending.

Roses for blog

Originally uploaded by kt40

Yes, I did buy these roses for this blog, for the people who stop by and take a look. Yes, it is probably a little nerdy. When the guy at the store asked "Who are the roses for?" I must admit that I was glad that I didn't know if the word "blog" was the same in Italian. Is it weird to do this? I don't know, it just seemed right to me, because the comments and feedback I get really make me feel good and well I wanted to let you all know this. I'm making it sound like millions of people are visiting this site and this is some sort-of blog acceptance speech but really some days it is just three visiting this site, and two of those visitors might have been accidental but the numbers aren't what matter it is who it is that matters to me and that you felt like stopping by. I know Jason would roll his eyes if he was reading this thinking she is really "blogged-out of her mind!" but that would just make me smile because yes I've become a bit of a "blog-nut" but I wouldn't trade it, nope, I wouldn't trade it.

"Hello in there!"

I read this menu and understood everything!

"Hello in there." I said "Hello in there! Yeah you, the part of myself who tells me that I can't learn Italian." The same one who gasped when I put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt this morning and said "What are you doing? You are going to stick out like a sore thumb, Italians don't wear baggy sweat outfits!"

"Well I'm wearing them today and if you can't get on board then I suggest you go else where today.........well maybe I'll put on some jeans instead and a little lipstick won't hurt........ but that is all you are getting today, capito!!"

Sometimes I have to "rough-up" this side of myself when I feel like it has been getting the better of me. I can see my five-foot-two self holding it up against a wall in an alley saying "Do we understand each other?!" while it meekly nods. Then letting it drop into a heap and coolly strolling away in one of my middle-age, baggy sweat outfits.

The month of cappuccinos

Oh.... this month.....it has been long.... not in a bad way, just long and this has made me welcome many cappuccinos.

On to something else...... Yesterday, I had to drive to a nearby town to get our car fixed. On the way home there was a huge full moon above the mountain ranges, it was breathtaking. When I see a full moon I can't help but trace it's perimeter with my eye all the way around to make sure it is really, really full, this one passed the test, again and again.

The Italians here, light up the cliff sides at night. If you are driving along the mountain ranges there are parts where the mountain has been used for stone. All that has been left is an exposed jagged, rocky side, that, if you can imagine, is dramatically lit up. So at night it is, again, breathtaking. I love to drive when it is just getting dark, along these mountain ranges, that stand a ways behind our town, listening to music, winding along.

Mondo Beyondo Ritual (part two)

Well my friend suz told me about one of kelly rae roberts posts where she took on the "The Mondo Beyondo Ritual', and said "Hey, you want to do this?""Yes." I responded.

Let me start out saying this is the kind-of thing you also could do in a journal or on a piece of paper or simply in your head if you wanted too. It is just about taking a moment out for yourself really

Part two (Part one is down below this post)

1. Write down your intentions for 2008(things you would like more of in your life what you would like to attract)

Mainly just to be open to what comes my way, since we will be moving this year, "Where to?" we won't know for quite some time, so just be open to where the new location will be.

More time in a garden... I would love to garden this year and include my kids in this activity.

More time with just Jason, movies, dinner or sitting at a cafe...making time for just us. This always makes us a better couple and parents.

2. The Mondo Beyondo list(the things you are wanting to manifest that are almost scary to write down. The ones that elicit a gremlin response of "You can't do that!" or "Who are you to ask for that?" or "Fat chance, that will never happen.")

Okay here it goes......
To have a art show of large abstract paintings, even though I don't paint.
To live in a house were we can paint the walls and doors with colors or even murals.
To come up with several vintage inspired blouses.
To have a cutting garden..... a really big cutting garden.
To have woods nearby to walk into to with a little creek that winds through

Mondo Beyondo Ritual (part one)

Originally uploaded by kt40

Well my friend suz told me about one of kelly rae roberts posts where she took on the "The Mondo Beyondo Ritual', and said "Hey, you want to do this?"

"Yes." I responded.

Let me start out saying this is the kind-of thing you also could do in a journal or on a piece of paper or simply in your head if you wanted too. It is just about taking a moment out for yourself really.

Mondo Beyondo Ritual, part one

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regards to 2007? ( What did you create what challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

Okay challenge and create.... in 2007 I started my own blog which meant taking on computer lingo, where I continually had to tell myself "Don't give up, you can do this."
A promise to myself......I also did this weird intense exercise program for three months(Bob Greene 'Get Fit' I think is the name of the book) and now as a result I go walking everyday and throw in pilates and strength training here and there.
I'm proud that in 2007, I worked on my parenting skills, I was feeling overwhelmed with parenting, ended up reading about seven to ten different parenting/family books, even a strange CEO self-help management book that fell off the bookshelf when I was grabbing the parenting books and all of these(CEO book included) really brought the joy back into parenting for me.

2. What is there to grieve about ? (What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

Putting this blog together was hard for me, since it goes out and anyone can stumble upon it, wondering can I write? Do I have anything to say? Can I take photos? Then realizing that it doesn't really matter... it just doesn't.... writing and taking photos makes me feel good and hopefully whoever stumbles onto this blog, maybe they got a laugh that day or maybe thought "Oh, I was having a down day too." or connected to a photo. That is what this whole 'Blog thing" is about for me.
The scariest thing in 2007, was finding out that Iris had a thyroid problem, having your child have a disease(or anything that makes their quality of life more difficult) is hard to take in. She is doing great now and I'm thankful for that.
I am going to forgive myself for not speaking Italian just being able to listen and understand a little bit, is something to be happy about.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete. (Okay the next step is to say out loud "I declare 2007 complete!" How do you feel? If you don't feel quite right , there might be one more thing to say....)

I want to say thanks to 2007 and for all the people who were in it with me, for 40 which was huge for me in the most positive way, and I want to say hello to 2008 because I was a little sleepy when it showed up but I'm awake now.

Okay...Whoa...... that took awhile so part two I'll take on tomorrow.

Iris's clay food

Originally uploaded by kt40

Iris asked me seriously
" I really need to know if I am going to be able to pack up my clay food when we move."
"Yes, we can pack up your clay food." I responded
"Good, because I really like boiled eggs and even though I don't like mushrooms it is good to have healthy foods once in a while, that is why I made some."
Hum...brainwashing really does work.

"Iris, can you take my photo?"

Originally uploaded by kt40

It is sunny and I wanted Iris to take my photo, she has been home sick the last few days and she is going back to school tomorrow. I have been watching her make very small pretend food out of clay all day.

"Iris can you take my photo?"

"Yes Mom, I can do that."

"Mom please, please you must hold still!"

Well......

written a couple of days ago Jason came downstairs when I was reading and told me that his work will be sending him elsewhere to work. My reaction was this ridiculously huge grin I think it actually did reach ear to ear, "So your happy then?" he said but I couldn't answer him because I think the outside of my body was trying to balance out how the inside of my body felt...... unbearably sad. I know, it sounds strange to me too, the "I'm ready to embrace whatever" lady, well.... she ran out the back door when the actual news hit.

Written last night
We told our kids that we are going to be moving. Wyatt was quiet then said "Okay, if that is how it goes, I hope I can bring George(his guinea pig) though". Jasmine cried and Iris said "I'm happy" then she cried too. We ended up watching the 'Amazing Race'( a reality show that is about teams that race around the world). The teams as it ended up, were in Italy and had to drive from Rome to Florence, strange coincidence, and Wyatt said "If I was in this race I would do very well". I replied "You would probably win this round" right then on the show the teams were on the Autostrade (the Italian highway system) and they had to choose which way to go, it showed two signs one that said 'Pisa exit' the other 'Livorno exit' and one of the contestants said "I don't which way to go". Wyatt said "Yes, I would win for sure".

Written this morning
The "I'm ready to embrace whatever" lady showed up sometime last night when I was sleeping. I didn't scold her for leaving because I always knew she would come back, this seems to be her pattern.
The kids talked about moving this morning and surprised me in how calm they were. Excited at points and regretful that they wouldn't be able to pack their friends. I feel so thankful to have them in my life and Jason, who has been so tired the last few days, I'd move anywhere with him.

one of my Italian small tales

There is this eighty or so year old man and his little dog that I see everyday on the bike path at about 8:20am. The first time we met went like this.... my dog Cubana had broken off the leash when she saw his dog off in the distance and when she did this I slipped and tumbled down the side of the bike path (it is a levy). When I finally managed to climb back up I had grass in my hair, mud on my face and I thought I yelled over to him "Mi dispiace!"(I'm sorry) over and over again. I relayed this story to Jason when I got home and he said "That isn't how you say "Sorry" in Italian" I was pronouncing something that I had made-up instead, we looked it up in the dictionary and it translated closely to "Disburse! Disburse!" no wonder he had shaken his head and walked the other way. Well I think he secretly(this old man) likes to run into me and Cubana, he chats away, I listen nodding, while comprehending absolutely nothing, then we go our separate ways. The other day I practiced saying "How old is your dog?" and when I ran into him that morning I said "I need to know your dog's age." and could have kicked myself "you don't need to know his dog's age." I chided myself(in my head of course) and he seemed to be blushing. Wait did I forgot to add the word "dog" did I just say "I need to know your age." so then I said "Arriverderci!" which means "Goodbye!" extra cheerfully and turned and walked away. "Okay that was weird, why didn't you wait for his reply and why did you just say "goodbye" like that?" I asked myself. Then I replayed the conversation(if you want to call it that) in my mind... Ugh! I think I said "I need to know my age." Even with me being a complete "Nut case" I know he will be there tomorrow to give me another chance because as I said, he secretly likes to run into me or is it the other way around?

float

So during this weekend when all I was doing was consuming my thoughts with "What is the fate of Jason's job?!" I found that I was in the computer room, doing what, I can't remember. I don't know if I was reading something, talking to Jason or on the phone but at one point I looked down at my right hand which had made a doodle

"What the hell is this?!"

"Who wrote this word?"

"Why is it in a box that doesn't have a front or back?"

"Why is it stuck in there?"

"Is that word suppose to be me?"

I was so mad at the doodle I think I even said "Yuck, I hate this doodle!" then I flipped the paper over so that I wouldn't have to look at it anymore. Well the next morning I found myself thinking about it again. Had I thrown it away? I couldn't remember. Was I trying to tell myself something? If so, why was it so cryptic to me and why did it make me so mad. So I went back in the computer room to look for it and thought "Oh, I did throw it away." and felt a little bummed out that I had done this. Then I flipped over a piece of paper on the desk and there it was and this time it made me laugh.
"Stop banging your head against the ceiling silly! Oh, and while your at it, put your feet back on the ground so you can walk out of the box you've manage to put yourself in. Yours truly, doodle."
This time I did throw it away because I didn't need it anymore.

Dear Country,

I stopped and took this photo, "Red, white and blue.", that was the first thought that ran through my mind. Second thought, "This looks out of place here.", most of the cafes around here are filled with wooden chairs, small tables, and a few regular customers. This was filled with plastic and big bright lights, "My country." I thought.

Anytime I see this color combination, "My country" runs through my mind, softly. Does everyone have a permanent place in their mind or heart for their country's flag colors? I never knew that I did until I moved overseas. I can trace the outline of my country with my eyes closed. I have pretend to see it in the palm of my hand and then pressed it to my skin above my heart and imagined that it had soaked through my skin into my heart and that is where it stays for now.

My country, I have verbally defended it many times since I have been overseas and people are perplexed because I talk about it with love but I don't choose to live there and quite honestly think I never will again. That is the beauty of my country because I know it understands this and it would never ask me to explain myself.

When I ended up putting this photo onto the computer I saw that my reflection had been captured in the red column, that seemed fitting to me, I am a part of these colors, and I know I sound overly sentimental but I won't apologize for this. I have never written a letter expressing my feelings to the land I was born on and I just wanted to let it know that I accept it with it faults because it also has it's moments of brilliance, and well I just wanted it to know that, even though it will never read this letter.

Rain=Opportunity ( Thanks Jerry, spoken like a true Oregonian)

The first time I saw an Italian riding their bike in the rain it was our seventy-something year old neighbor. I pointed her out to the kids, we were all in the car together.

Jasmine said " That is so dangerous she is holding an umbrella!.... and she isn't even wearing a helmet!"
Wyatt replied "Jazz, this is Italy."
Jasmine responded "I don't care where this is, what she is doing is extremely dangerous!"
Then Iris chimed in "Jazz, Wyatt is just saying that in Italy..."
Then Jazz interrupted her and said "Oh my god! Am I the only one who cares that she could die!!" and then fell back in her seat truly exasperated.

This is when I notice another biker with an umbrella in their hand and this time I decide to keep it to myself.

Just traveling through

   It was three years ago I listened to this eccentric veterinarian tell me, in detail, about his drive across America with his three guinea pigs. His wife had wanted to give them away but he told me that he had them before he had married her and there was no way in hell he was he going to get rid of them. I was kinda-of half way listening while the word "Weirdo" kept popping into my mind. The other night I was telling Jason that I hope if we do end up getting transferred we can at least drive to our next location so that we can bring the kid's guinea pigs. His reaction was "Katy please, I don't have any control over this, the last thing I can think about right now is the guinea pigs." he said something reasonable to that effect. I have to stress out about the "guinea pig situation" on my own even though there really isn't a "situation" just yet, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't have at least one hypothetical "situation" to stress out about. Back to reality, I do have to go and bring Spike, Iris's guinea pig, to the vet right now. He is sick, with what I'm not sure. Iris was my translator yesterday at the Italian Veterinario down the street. I kept saying to her "What did they say?" and she would respond causally "I don't know I wasn't paying attention" or " I have no idea I don't know all the words yet mom. " I do know that I have to walk him down to the vet for the next four days so he can get a shot, at one point yesterday, Iris did say "I think they said he will have this for his whole life." "What?!" If I have to give this little guinea pig a shot everyday for the rest of his life you have my permission to call me a "Weirdo" although I would prefer "Eccentric".

Gifts....

Originally uploaded by kt40

Yesterday I received two gifts, this first one from my friend Mary as shown here. Wrapped in bird tissue paper, some postcards, xeroxed recipes, a dish towel and photos of her and her family. Could a manila envelope hold more precious items?!  These are truly some of my favorite things. I made the photo antiqued because these items reminded me of something old and special that you will always keep and treasure, like my friendship with Mary. Our kids were very little, before there was Iris even, and we lived next to each other, we could literally knock on our dining room walls in code to each other if we needed too. Thank you Mary for the gifts our friendship may be old but I know that we are still some of the 'Hot Mamas' of Soretto Court.

Gift number two

Originally uploaded by kt40

My second gift was wrapped in brown paper with a beautiful tag attached with green ribbon, Iris was running around the house yelling "Moms got presents!!"(expressing how I felt) This is a headband, beautifully sewn and designed by my talented friend Suz. Life is lucky you have opportunities to always add friends to your life and your new ones can feel like they have always lived next door. Thanks Suz for everything!  I just had a thought, maybe my new Ugg boots do have special powers.

Blah humbug!

My goal was to make this blog a positive place to come and visit, by this I mean I was not really going to get into writing about the days where I have the blahs, but I do right now, what can I say, it has been raining and raining and raining and I don't feel motivated, maybe it was cleaning out the fridge first thing this morning that put a damper on things, and perhaps neither of these things have anything to do with my mood. I wish I could go outside in my pj's and my incredibly comfortable little black Ugg® boots that my sister Tracy gave me as an early birthday present. I have this right foot circulation problem.......maybe I should just retitled this post "Death of a blog", any blog that mentions the blahs and a right foot circulation problem is depressing.... I'm depressed just realizing that I shared this fact...... Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, I wish I could go outside in the rain wearing my pj's and click my Ugg's heels together three times while saying "Blah humbug! Blah humbug! Blah humbug!" and then the sun would burst out and shine down on me and little cute birds would swoop down and perch on my shoulders and my heart would grow back to it's normal size(it always shrinks a little when I have the blahs) I guess while I'm at it, my hair wouldn't be frizzy and I could sway it back in forth and the sun's sparkles would be captured in my curly locks.... Yeah, I wish these little Ugg boots could do more than just make my feet feel great but if that is what I get today, I'm going to take it.

Waiting to be placed

Originally uploaded by kt40

Each year since we have lived here(Italy) we have had to wait around this time of the year to see if we stay or go. It is something that goes with my Husband's job something that I agreed to and wanted to take on and still do. Will we be staying here or be sent somewhere else in the world. Some days I am at peace with it then other days I want to know, now! When we visited the Louvre a while back I took this photo, and this room has stuck in my mind. Someone passed by me as I took this photo and informed me that "Those are just some of the pieces waiting to be placed in the museum, there is a whole basement filled with others." Is this fact true? I assume so. I feel like I fluctuate between a room like this one where it can feel lonely to me, waiting and then being on the outside of a room like this one, free to roam around, being a part of the crowd. I am ready to embrace whatever the location is, I just would like what is not available to me right now.....to know where and when I will be placed....

Wyatt, Cubana and Jason

Originally uploaded by kt40

Night walk

Originally uploaded by kt40

Last night we took the kids and dog on a walk. Here is Jason with Wyatt and Jazz heading towards the bike path. Iris hung back with me as I tried to take photos, mostly in vain, my night option on my camera doesn't work very well at all. Once we reached the path Jason played tag with the kids. It was dark and the air was filled with laughter. We walked along as Iris listened to a transistor radio while humming along. She turn off the radio and silently we all strolled along then tag started up again and the kids commented to Jason earnestly "Your pretty fast for your age!" and then the air filled up with my laughter.

New Year Cakes

Originally uploaded by kt40